My First Day As A Psychologist

Actually that's not entirely true, I have had many...let us not forget I have an extensive background in bar tending. A couple of days ago I received a frantic phone call from my friend Sherrie, who I may add I have not heard from in awhile. She was someone I met when I was working for a design company in Scottsdale. Not an acquaintance, not a close friend, but we hang out occasionally. She was extremely distraught and needed to talk to somebody. In the back of my mind I'm thinking that the fifteen people ahead of me on the friend list may not have been available when I answered the phone, however she was clearly upset and I listened. Shortly you will understand why, this was a specific problem...
"My daughter says she's a lesbian", she tells me while she is sobbing hysterically. Hmmmmmmmm, this is why she called. WOW, and now I don't know what to say because I have a million different responses. So I carefully siphon through them to try and figure out how to calm her down...but let's review a few of my thoughts here.

Response #1: OMG Sherrie!!! Let's book her immediately into Sarah Palin's church boot camp to cure homosexuality. She could be a danger to society.
Response #2: Sherrie, I know this is a shock but try and think of it this way...She is just switching teams, it's not any different than Jonny Damon switching from the NY Yankees to the Detroit Tigers. He's still a great ball player.
Response #3: No, the fact that you neglected to breast feed her as a child is not the reason she is gay.
Response #4: Sherrie, muff diving isn't bad. It's just an acquired taste...some have said it taste like chicken.

I started thinking maybe these were not the responses one might want to hear so I just listened. Here is the scenario, her daughter is 20, went to study a semester overseas and met someone really special. She just happened to be female. Sherrie says "how does she know, she's just a kid". Well this is true because to a mother she will always be just a kid, but maybe she knows like I knew at 17, that this was the way life was going to be. "She's a political science major, this will kill her career", ummmmmm not necessarily, check out Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir Iceland first openly gay Prime Minister.
Then the next question..."what did your parents do when you told them"? Insert sarcasm here..."Sherrie they were ecstatic, my dad was jumping around on the couch like Tom Cruise was when professing his love for Katie Holmes on the Oprah Winfred Show". Then for a second I kind of understood my parents position. Like Sherrie, they were looking out for the best interest for their child, and confusion, guilt and anger all followed because of lack of knowledge and understanding. I explained to her that while this may be difficult for her to understand at the moment because she is struggling with answers on why this happened, she needs to understand that her daughter is also struggling with her own set of issues on how to be true to herself and be happy in life. It's a big adjustment on both sides, but from my experience personally it's made a very strong bond between me and my parents. Sherrie is an open minded person and over time it will work out, it's called unconditional love. I have no doubt that the two of them will work through this and laugh about it someday. And her daughter will be able to claim that the big cluster of gray hairs that will appear just over Sherrie’s left ear will chronicle this event in their lives.
Now some of you may be reading this and thinking "yeah well what do you know my experience was completely opposite of your". I am not blind to the fact that there are parents who do not respond this way, I had a partner for over 6 years who had a mediocre (at best) relationship with her parents. My question to you is every time you get handed lemons are you going to keep them or are you going to make some gourmet lemonade out of them?

Dating Etiquette 101

Ok people…I see this so much in the restaurant business and time and time again I cannot understand it. So let’s get back to the basics here. When YOU ask a man, woman, or significant other out on a date it is usually because you want to spend “QUALITY TIME” with that person. Maybe get to know them better if it’s someone new. Am I correct in assuming this??? I think I am unless I am just living in a completely different universe.
Two nights ago I observed a couple sitting in a booth, reading over the dinner menu. Our server Beth approaches to introduce herself, points out some highlights on the menu and takes their drink order. Seems normal right? Beth then goes to drop off their drinks and asks if they have any questions. They are not ready to order yet so she gives them a few more minutes. Then the fun starts…Cell phone rings and the surrounding tables are now subjected to hearing the obnoxious ring tone of “I‘m Too Sexy” by the Right Said Fred. Really??? Must I, as well as my other customers be subjected to this crap? Don’t you have a vibrate button? So Mr. Dumbass answers his phone and starts to carry on a lengthy conversation while server Beth hesitantly approaches the table to take their order. So his girlfriend decides to order her meal. Now any intelligent person would get the clue at this point to get off the phone but noooooooooooo, not Mr. Dumbass. And why is this you ask, well it’s because he is important, the center of the world, and is trying to impress his girl. He then holds up his hand to Beth as in saying one moment please. Two minutes later his girlfriend looks at him with her eyes wide open and giving him the “please get off the fucking phone” look. He points to an item on the menu and she orders for her man. Now forgive me for this next question because I realize my dating world is a little different from the heterosexual dating world, but wouldn’t it have been nice if he maybe ordered for her? So I start to think about what my perspective would be if I was in her shoes and my conclusion was…Hmmmmmmmmmm, I know who is not getting laid later. Dude you have fun with that vibrating phone and Rosey Palm and her five friends tonight. I’m going to meet up with my girlfriends later.
Now for me when I am dating , if the person I am with does that, unless I know ahead of time that maybe it is a work related issue or it involves their children if they have any, you will be DISQUALIFIED. I am here with you because you asked me and I like you enough to give you my time that you asked for. If I asked you, well I’m not going to apologize for being perturbed about that because I am expecting you to give me your time that I asked for from you. Oh and this etiquette should apply too and not exclude those long standing couples either.
My point is, well if you are that self absorbed socially, and more concerned about what is going on with your friends and their social lives, then go hang out with them at a bar and order some pizzas. Don’t take your girl/guy out to a nice place for dinner and disrespect them like that. You are being rude to them as well as to the staff and other patrons who are visiting that establishment. Show some class people.