Sofa Song

Earlier today I was sweeping the kitchen floor and listening to The Kooks on Itunes. Right as I am air guitaring with the broom to the "Sofa Song" I started thinking about bartending a few years ago. This song triggered my memory back to a rather monumental victory one evening between me and a fellow co-worker of mine...and yes I am going to tell you all about it.
Now I am going to change the names to protect the innocent and save him from the embarrassment that is about to ensue...
Diva Blue and fellow bartender Jacob were bartending on a Thursday night. Traffic was slowing down for the evening and Jacob was getting ready to finish up the last of his duties so he could leave. In walks a very attractive young lady with a text book and binder in her hand. She promptly sits at the bar and I walk over to ask her if I can help her. While she is looking over the wine list she tells me she would like to place a takeout order. I grab a menu and offer my assistance in helping her select a glass of wine to drink while she waits. After all, it's my job, right? She chooses a Cabernet. I pour it and leave her to look over the menu. Jacob is washing glasses and hasn't really been paying attention to what is going on. I go over a few minutes later, she orders, I ask her how she likes the wine and then we proceed to have a lengthy discussion about certain vintages and wine making regions in Europe and South Africa. So I then excuse myself to go put her take out order together. In the meantime Jacob noticed her and I come back out and he's talking away with her. I walk over and hand it to her and she looks dead at me and tells me she thinks she wants to eat it here. I give her a half cocked smile, set her a place setting, and walk away to make some drinks. Jacob in the meantime follows me and says, "She's cute! I'm going to get her number." I just start laughing and think to myself you know what, she would rather have mine. My instinct tells me she is not the least bit interested in him but why burst this young man's ego and potentially damage him for life. I just found it so entertaining that I felt no need to clue him in.
Now I know what you are thinking..."Oh how mean Diva" or "typical fucking lesbian man hater", blah, blah, blah. You know what, here's the fact of the matter. Jacob is a very good looking young man, a good friend of mine, and NO I DON'T HATE MEN! I have plenty of good male friends who I adore, but face it, men think very differently than woman do and sometimes they just don't have a clue about what is really going on around them when it comes to the opposite sex. Plus it was so damn amusing just watching him crash and burn.
Anyway Jacob had to run to the back cooler to get beer to stock the bar with and now the diva bartender and the attractive young lady are all alone making google eyes at each other. He comes back out and she and I are laughing. She finishes up her dinner, I clear her plates, tell her it was nice to meet her, cash her out and say goodnight. I run into the kitchen and Jacob follows and he asked what we were laughing about. I replied "Girl Stuff Jacob". Then I ask with a huge smile on my face "Any luck getting her number"? He just mumbles "No". We walk back out to the bar, he starts doing the glasses again and I go to clean up the last remnants of the attractive young lady. There on the bar lies a business card, her name was Dominique. "Hey Jacob, come here" I yelled to him! "What? No Way,she left her number?" I said "Let's see." I flip the card over and there is a note...Diva, I enjoyed the conversation and maybe we can have a drink sometime, call me. I pissed myself I was laughing so hard. He was so full of disbelief and said "For Real? For Fucking Real Diva"!? To which I replied "Jacob, That one stung huh, sorry. What can I say? Obviously I'm just cuter" Let the truth be known, she likes my side of the sofa better. The whole restaurant staff did not let him live that one down for a long time.